Private Life of an Aes Sedai
by Cynewulf
Summary: Always imagined Aes Sedai as calm and serene, creatures above this world? It's time you found out the truth. Meet an Aes Sedai of Green Ajah that smokes, drinks, can not control her temper,and has been desperately searching for a warder for years. Meet Ne
1. Coming Home

Disclaimer:  
  
This story is based on the world and (some) characters of Robert Jordan's *The Wheel of Time* series. My main character, Nemi Sedai, on the other hand, is taken from a Norwegian comic *Nemi* by Lise. My Nemi is by no means the same character as the Nemi in the comic-book, but has some of her traits (recognizable). Some of my jokes here are actually not mine. I mostly take them from *Nemi* by Lise and *Calvin&Hobbes* by Bill Watterson. If there is another source, I'l make a reference to it. Also, I do not say there will be MANY jokes here - I'm trying to be a bit serious for once;) But from time to time they jump out before I notice them... Silliness is hard to defeat, especially if you were born with it and couldn't get rid of it ever since :D :D :D :p  
  
Oh, and don't mind my spelling. I'm not a native English-speaker. Sometimes I'm kind and industrious & stuff - so I use a spell-check. Sometimes I just don't have nerves for it. So there. Don't mind me :)  
  
This scribbling of a story is there only for fun - no literary pretences, to be sure. Yet, if you have something to say - critics are always welcome. I love feedback, so review and make me happy (otherwise I may jump out of the window - without opening it first - and that would be YOUR fault!). Besides, if you review, you might get some free whiskey!!!  
  
Yours in Linguistic,  
Cynewulf Sedai of the Orange Ajah  
  
Note on the Orange Ajah:  
  
Similarly to the Black Ajah, the existance of the Orange Ajah has been toroughly denied for hundreds of years. Like the Black, The Orange has existed in secret, and members of the Orange Ajah are also members of one of the officials seven Ajahs.  
  
There, however, the similarity with the Black ends - and it is not too much to say that the Oranges have been the most stubborn fighters against the Black.  
  
The controverse thingy there is the WAY of fighting the shadow. The Orange Ajah believes in fighting the Dark One by humour. We consider laughter one of our chief weapons - the others are irony, sarcasm, and cynism. Preserving sense of humour in the world and ability to laugh in the face of danger are our main goals.  
  
Many of the Orange sisters are officially Yellow, and they try to help Gentled men and Stilled women by making them laugh like hell. They believe it as effective as Healing, and definitely more fun. However, the both ways are most often used together.  
  
Rumours about the Orange Ajah (also known as The Mocking Ajah) blames us to be incorrigible dreamers - and we do not deny it. We are proud of it! Next to preserving the worlds sense of humour, our goal is to preserve the feeling of Wonder in humankind, as the best (and sometimes only) way of staying sane in difficult situations. We do it trough fairy stories and legends, that we mercilessly spread trough the world... Sometimes think them up, even... Therefore, we often bond gleemen.  
  
Orange Ajah is my creation (mine! mine!), but I might let you use it if you ask nicely :D  
  
I don't think Orange Ajah would be mentioned in THIS story... Yet, who knows...  
  
Have fun!  
  
Cynewulf Sedai  
  
The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose in the great city called Tar Valon. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.  
  
To the north the wind blew, rising clouds of dust, slamming shut the windows of an inn in the city of Tar Valon...  
  
Nemi Sedai woke up to the sound, terrible headache ripping her head apart. Too bad one can not heal herself, she thought. Seeking another sister wouldn't do either: she just couldn't go through all of it once again - snickers that usually followed her on the mornings like this would eventually drive her crazy. Youghurt will have to do. It usually did, anyway. She rubbed her head, wishing that someone would bring her fresh water...  
  
It was a blessing that there was no mirror in the room. She simply DIDN'T want to know how she looked like this morning...  
  
She didn't feel up to standing up as yet, so she continued staring at the stained ceiling, ornated by years of leaking water. It was a luck that the guy wouldn't say anything. About her looks, of course. She simply COULDN'T stand another "Nemi Sedai, are you feeling well? Those bags under your eyes..." But this one wouldn't say it, not this one. He was such a nice guy... gallant... brave...real gentleman. They could travel a bit together. She could even ask him to be her warder. Strange as it may be, she hadn't found a warder yet (but, hey! she was still young!). Yet this one...this one might do. She pictured his penetrative black eyes, the coppery skin of his face, his noble chin and somewhat unperfect nose. She pictured the lower parts of him as well, and sighed contendedly - she wasn't a Green for nothing, after all.  
  
And his swordsman skills as well! She hadn't met such a swordsmen in YEARS! Such easy, catlike movements, that it almost looked as if he danced, while he slaughtered the enemies...  
  
And, what a play of destiny has it been?! This very guy was lieing by her side, still asleep but as handsom as ever!  
  
"What are you sighing for, gal?" she heard a harsh voice from the left side of the bed. "You woke me up with that sighing of yours! You sick, or wha? Just don't throw up on me, fine?"  
  
Nemi Sedai turned to the left, and measured the man with an ice-cold eye.  
  
"Can you shut up for a moment, you bloody horsehead?" she snapped. "I'm trying to DAYDREAM!"  
  
"Whatch your tongue, little lady", he grunted and turned back to sleep, stripping her of the blanket. The sour smell of his days (she hoped it was not MONTHS!) old sweat filled her nostrills, and she shivered in disgust. He was a blond, almost transparent skinny guy, five or six years years younger than herself. Probably an apprentice to someone, or something like that. He may have told her that last night, but she didn't quite remember... More accurately, she didn't remember at all. She remembered very little of what happened last night, except that the whiskey was rather bad... (and that's where the headache came from!)... and that the sex wasn't particularly good either. She had picked him up somewhere (apparently she had already been quite drunk, or she would have chosen a handsomer one, at least); she had bought him a couple of drinks (and more than a couple for herself, for sure; she had not counted), and then dragged him off to bed. A mistake, obviously, but not an unusual one for her. She'll have to drink less... She'll have to drink something of a better quality, at least... And if she DID drink that trash again, she'll have to do it alone. Or with a handsom man...  
  
"Oh, it's tiresom!", she snapped at herself, as she jumped out of the bed. Well, not actually jumped. Crawled was the more accurate descripton of her painful movements, as she tryed to move her head as little as possible.  
  
"Wherechoo think you are going, gal?" the guy growled, and pulled her back. The smell of his breath was making her sick, even more sick, if that was possible at all. She shook away his hand with disgust and stood up.  
  
"Hey, I hoped for some morning excercise", he whined, as she pulled on her black silk dress (now in a rather sad state).  
  
"You can go on hoping," she said coldly, giving him one of her well-known Aes Sedai glares.  
  
He faked a grin.  
  
"A lady with a temper you are! Last night I thought you'll scratch my skin off! Why don't you come here, gal?"  
  
She stared at him, untill he lowered his eyes.  
  
"I will scratch off more than your lousy skin if you do not shut up!"  
  
"Fancy some breakfast?" he shouted after her, as she hurried out of the room, and down the stairs.  
  
What I fancy is a bath, she told herself, a nice hot bath, and a coffee afterwards... She has almost become addicted to that strange, bitter drink that originally came from Sharra. Coffee!!! But, first: a youhurt. Youghurt youghurt youghurt youghurt!!!  
  
"A youghurt," she told the innkeeper, who snickered at her knowingly. She iced him with her eyes (which were still rather unfocused, actually).  
  
"At once, Aes Sedai!" said the innkeeper and bowed slightly, but she could notice he was still holding back a grin. She'll have to choose a new place to wake up at, she thought...  
  
Nemi was 27, rather handsom when the bags under her eyes were not THIS purple, and she has been Aes Sedai for somewhat more than two years now. Her raven-black hair and dark, slightly tilted eyes were a proof of her partly Saldaean origins, but she couldn't tell you more tha that. She had lived in the White Tower longer than she could actually remember. Laras, the mistress of the kitchens and her particular friend, had told her that she had been found on the streets of Tar Valon at the age of three, and, as the most of the female orphans of the city, she had grown up in the White Tower itself. She scrubbed the pots before she could speak clearly, and by the age of ten she had got the fame of the laziest, messiest and the most impolite kitchen girl of the century.  
  
"How did you SUCCEED in growing up in such a mess if you were raised by the Aes Sedai?" people used to ask her. But it was not the full truth, she had not been raised by Aes Sedai. It would be more accurate to say that she was raised by kitchen maids and servants, by coachmen and the drunkards... She listened the idle talk of kitchen maids since she could remember, and at the age of 9 she could say she knew EVERYTHING about the men - in theory at least. When she was 12 old Rhodnar taught her how to smoke a pipe. And it all lasted untill she was tested, and it was decided that she could learn to channel. She sometimes thought about first fourteen years of her life as a heaven of freedom, despite the strict rules (that were there in order to be broken, right?) and punishments that she endured without a tear. But after she became a novice everything changed and...and stayed changed. She was free again, now. She had been officially free for two years now, ever since she earned the shawl. But when she finally did, when she nocked on the door of the Green Ajah and was let in, she suddenly realized that she din't have a slightest idea of what she wanted to do with her life. Until then, her only goal seemed to be becoming Aes Sedai and becoming FREE again. But when she finally WAS free, her freedom seemed to bind her more than release her. She was drinking freely, yes; and she was smoking on the meetings of her Ajah, to the disgust of even the most free-minded green sister. But was it all there was to it? Was THAT all?  
  
She climbed the seemingly endless steps of the White Tower. She hadn't been there for months; one evening (now it seemed so long ago!), when she wasn not actually sober, she decided to pack her things and leave for a while. She wasn't sure where she was going, she only knew she suddenly felt an irresistible urge to travel, to see new faces, to feel actual rain on her face. She was simply sick of White Tower petty (and great) intrigues, of the painfully orderly city of Tar Valon; even the thought of another day there made her sick... and she went, not telling anyone. She was an Aes Sedai now, she had all the rights to be where she wanted without accounting every step to anyone.  
  
She saw Caemlyn, with it great plazas and narrow smelly streets covered in dead rats, Caemlyn with its grandious shining palace and not so shining crowded inns that smelled of sour beer and sweat. She met nobles and beggars, merchants and sailors...but she liked company of gleemen best. They told all the fascinating legends of Birgitte (she loved those!) and of Elmindreda (she liked those somewhat less, but still...); they sang heroic songs, and sad songs, and drinking songs that would make most women blush (she knew all of those by heart)... Gleemen traveled so much, she could talk to them in ages and never get tired of it. And they could drink...REALLY drink, drink in the way she drank. Some of them considered drinking a part of their profession and took it seriously.  
  
Nemi Sedai had met a number of various people during her stay in Caemlyn; but, smart or stupid, rich or poor, they disliked her; no matter whether she wore her serpent ring openly or she pretended she was a 'normal' woman - they disliked her. They despised her smoking habits, they were irritated over her arrogant behaviour, they considered her drinking abominable; but, the most important thing, her ice-black eyes made them afraid. She was Aes Sedai from head to heels, no matter what she wore (THAT was mostly black) and what company she was in. Well, they disliked her - and she disliked them back, double so much. Small, worm-like people, with narrow minds and petty lives. Nothing like Arndell the Red, nothing like Arthur Hawkwing, nothing like Birgitte. Nothing like Nemi Sedai herself, she though.  
  
Only, gleemen seemed to enjoy her company, and she was pretty sure that it wasn't just because she used to buy them whiskey by pints (literally speaking)... They laughed together, and before that Nemi had had only two persons she could really lough with: and Alanna Mosvanni and Jeaine Caide of her own Ajah.  
  
But now she was on her way back to The White Tower, and the way seemed long - and steep. She has always disliked those stairs that just went up and up, with no visible intention to end. The Sun was maliciously burning her back - she was sure it did it deliberately - and the utter blackness of her once-nice silk dress didn't help either. She sweated like an Illianer.  
  
Nemi had not particularly wished to come back to the Tower at once. Although she hadn't been quite sure what she wanted to do next, she had had some vague plans about continuing north to the Borderlands... in hope to find a warder or two, actually. There MUST be someone appropriately brave and strong there, if they fight Trolocs every other day - she thought. They must be harder man than the soft southerners, anyway...  
  
But her plans (if they can be called so) were disturbed by a message from the eyes-and -ears of Green Ajah - Myrelle, the head of the Ajah, wanted all the green sisters back to The Tower at once... The message didn't say why, but Nemi had heard all sorts of strange rumours: from Amyrlin being a darkfriend and Aes Sedai uniting with the Whitecloaks to Coming of a Dragon Reborn (again, Nemi thought and rolled her eyes) and the heroes tied to The Wheel fighting in the sky over Falme...  
  
It was the sure thing that Nemi did not believe every drunken fantasy she heard in an inn... But, filtered and under the scalpel of logic, rumours usually bore a cramb or two of the actuall truth. She couldn't be sure what that truth was - if any... But the situation in the east and west was deterriorating. The world is changing, she thought...  
  
And so she came back to The White Tower, to find out what Myrelle wanted and why so urgently - and maybe to find out something about the happenings in the east... In order to come to the Tower, she had to climb the steps. And so she climbed and climbed and climbed... and climbed and climbed and climbed... and climbed and climbed and...  
  
"Whatch where you are going girl!" someone growled at her. Her head HUUURT! She raised her eyes and looked into the beautifull red haired woman, with piercing green eyes on her ageless face.  
  
"It's Nemi, Sheriam, remember?" Nemi grambled. "The name is Nemi. Nemi Sedai. Nemi Montoya Aes Sedai."  
  
Sheriam just grinned at her. The grinns of that woman were more dangerous than most people's swords, but Nemi actually liked her.  
  
"And, no need for shouting, Sheriam!"  
  
"I was certainly not. It's your hangover again, I assume?"  
  
They have been trough this same conversation numerous times, and Nemi knew very well what was coming next.  
  
Sheriam snickered.  
  
"Want me to find a Yellow for you?"  
  
"Thank you so bloody heartily, but NO! Oh, and nice to see you to, I'm very well, thanks for asking."  
  
"And Nemi?" Sheriam shouted after her, as she continued climbing the bloody flaming stairs. "You have some youghurt on your dress!"  
  
A dark eyed Accepted that was tugging at her braid violently met her on the way to her chamber. The name was Nynaeve, she remembered, a wilder with a noticable strength but with an uncontrollable temper. Nemi had held some lessons for her, and wasn't quite sure if she wanted to repeat the experience. Nemi rather liked the woman, though, but had a vague impression that Nynaeve Accepted was in a way CHANGED. Her eyes were still flamy-brown as ever, but now they mirrored a strange amount of experience that Nemi could not explaine. It must have been hard time in The Tower, she thought. Nemi Sedai remembered her own time as Accepted too well to doubt it. And yet... All the Accepted had to pass through THAT. Maybe it was harder for wilders, she thought. Her best friend Jeaine, once a wilder herself, hat told her most terrible things about braking of one's blocade...  
  
Anyway, Nemi's head hurt from thinking, and she wasn't in the right mood for conversations with acquaintances at the moment.  
  
"What?" she growled at the Accepted in a way that could be called 'not- too-friendly' only if the author were in a VERY good and positive mood.  
  
"You should have come LAST NIGHT, as I was told. I've been running after you all DAY!" the Accepted snapped at her. And then she remembered her manners. "Aes Sedai" she added, curtsying slightly, as if she was spitting an offence. "The whole day from the very dawn! You were not in your chambers, you were not anywhere to be found, and THEY told me to continue looking until I found you! As if I were some under-aged woolheaded..."  
  
"Blood and bloody ashes!" Nemi snapped back, to tired to think of her Aes Seai composure at the moment. "No I was not in my chambers, and it's not your concern where I have been, ACCEPTED! What is the bloody problem?"  
  
Nynaeve glared at her, as if she was going to CRITICIZE her language, but didn't say anything at the matter (luckily for her, Nemi thought angrily).  
  
"The Amirlyn summoned you," she replyed icily. "She said that you were to come AT ONCE. That was HOURS ago!"  
  
Nemi rolled her eyes and turned on her heels, mumbling something about "the bloody flame of Tar Valon" and "people can't take a bath in peace". The accepted hurried after her, and Nemi felt the flaws being woven behind her back. She turned instantly, embracing the source. The Accepted could channel only when angry, everyone knew that about her. But when actually able to channel at all, Nynaeve was stronger in One Power than anyone in the Tower. Nemi was painfully conscious that, drawing in as much as she could, she was still about two times weaker than this Accepted. And if those rumours were true... Really, if it was true, anyone could be... But certainly she wouldn't dare, not in the middle of The Tower... And yet... These half-thoughts flashed through Nemi's painful head, as she embraced the source. Only one thing was sure: she would not be able to fight this Accepted - and survive. 


	2. Doing the Talking

Nemi Sedai saw the flows of spirit being vowen, and then she felt the gentle touch of the power somewhere inside her paining head.  
  
"This is simply not right!" the Accepted named Nynaeve muttered angrily under her breath, but Nemi heard it perfectly well. "Drinking like that, destroying her own head, and then going around in pain, not even asking for help. Honestly!"  
  
With a sigh of relief, Nemi shivered to the momentarious feeling of unbearable coldness that turned her guts into an icicle and back. Pain and the heaviness had gone from her head utterly, but she suddenly felt tired, very tired...and hungry. She had to lean on the nearby wall to stand upright. I'm ridiculous, she thought, I'm becoming paranoid. Even more paranoid than I used to be. Thinking that the woman would attack me in the middle of the White Tower, especially THIS woman... Oh, come on! Yet, after the things I heard...one should definitely NOT listen to all the rumours, however funny and ridiculous they might see at the time.  
  
Nemi smiled vaguely in Nynaeve's direction, and mumbled an ashamed "Thank you!", hoping that the embarassement wasn't showing on her face. Even if it was... well, the Accepted would probably think she were ashamed of drinking last night... No one could possibly guess her frantic thoughts from half a minute ago - they were too ridiculous.  
  
Nynaeve nodded stiffly, curtsied, and hurried down the hall. Nemi looked at her back, feeling a slight and undefined regret - the woman could make a good Green Sedai, with her strenght and her temper - only, Nynaeve declared that she was interested ONLY in healing at the same day she came to the tower... Yet, if I try, I might still befriend her, Nemi thought. It was one of the great paradoxes of Nemi's personality - she despised people in general, but she still liked to socialize and have many friends (if not very close ones, though).  
  
But it was not the most important matter now; the Amyrlin was waiting from the moment she heard Nemi Sedai was in the city - and Amyrlin was not to be kept waiting. The sudden thought of storming the kitchens on her way to the Amyrlin's study was wiped away almost at once. She was hungry, but it was not the dominant feeling right now.  
  
Nemi's stomach crimpled and gradually turned into a burning knot. And the cause of it was most certainly NOT the instant hunger she felt at the moment of Healing.  
  
What did Amirlyn want from her, what might be the reason of this sudden summoning - and at the practically same day Nemi arrived to the City. She wasn't even sure how the Amyrlin Seat KNEW about her arrival - but it was Siuan Sanche after all, and her web of eyes-and-ears was almost the thing of legend. But why, WHY did the woman want her so instantly?  
  
Have I done something wrong. Something WRONGER than usually? It must be that, it must be about some penance I deserved... but WHAT? I left without telling anyone, but it is not actually FORBIDDEN, is it? Every Aes Sedai is (at least officially) free to go where she pleases (unless she is currently under a penance, and I'm not), although it is a practice to inform the head of your Ajah... But it is NOT FORBIDDEN, I'm absolutely sure... Polite, but NOT obligatory. So, it MUST be something else. Light, what have I done lately? Drank, behaved 'inappropriately for an Aes Sedai' as they usually put it... Was giving a bad example? But I wasn't even in town! Nothing serious done, anyway. The Amyrlin KNOWS about me and my habits. She gives me a penance from time to time all right... But it can't be about THAT. This seems so ACCUTE! She sent half the Tower in search after me and... Light, I'm exegarating, I have to calm down... But how can I calm down when she summoned me and it must be something and I've done something terrible and I don't even know what it is and she will begin to question me and I will not even know what she is talking about and I will not be able to answer and...  
  
Stop! Nemi told herself firmly, after she almost walked right into the closed door of the Keeper's anteroom.  
  
As she talked to herself, her voice kept getting thinner and thinner, until it matched the voice of ten-years-old girl summoned to answer for her 'sins'. She felt angsty and afraid, but she was aware that her feelings were utterly irrational. When you are afraid of something, you usually know what is the source of your fear. But she... she didn't quite know why she shivered; she couldn't explain to herself the goosbumps crawling up her spine as her shoulders sank lower and lower. She was even feeling as if she shrank to half her actual height.  
  
I am a grown up woman, she told herself decidedly. Whatever happened, I know what I have done, and I know what I have NOT done (well, unless you were deadly drunk, said that small voice, usually known as self-irony). Amyrlin can talk to me, glare at me, give me a penance - but that's all. That have happened before. I'm not a little girl answering to her nurse. I have NOTHING to be afraid of. I am an Aes Sedai after all.  
  
She stiffened her back and raised her chin stubbornly.  
  
I am Nemi Sedai of the Green Ajah. I am unbreakable.  
  
I will enter that door.  
  
And SMILE.  
  
She embraced the great void as she reached for the door handle, calmness and peace flooding her consciousness - like certain smoking herbs that she payed a small fortune for. The anxiety and worry stared at her from the edges of the great void, but she stared them back. She stared them DOWN.  
  
***  
  
"In the name of Light!" the Keeper exclaimed as she saw Nemi enter the anteroom. "You are going to meet Mother like THAT?! For Creator's sake, Nemi, you look like a Domani wench the morning after!!!"  
  
"Hello Leane," Nemi grinned, on the edge of embracing Saidar. The call was too strong to resist, and she had to let the void go completely, or she couldn't keep back. Embracing the Source in the middle of a conversation would surely look strange... She surpressed the anxiety deeper down in her stomach, as she played relaxed. "An Accepted told me Mother wanted to talk to me."  
  
"She sure does; she ORDERED you to come AT ONCE."  
  
"Well, here I am. As soon as I heard. I wasn't...well, in The Tower, before twenty minutes ago."  
  
"So that's why you come in wearing a slept-in dress stained with dryed youghurt?" Leane raised an eyebrow.  
  
Nemi grinned.  
  
"It's pleasant to talk to you, Leane, but I guess I should go in now or Mother will eat me alive..."  
  
"Do NOT talk like that, Nemi Montoya. You know very well what a penance you can get for an insult of the Amyrlin."  
  
"Light, Leane, you know me well enough to know I didn't MEAN anything."  
  
"That kind of statements is not tolerated any more. Not even from a silly thing like you," Leanne smiled slightly, but there was no actual cheerfulness in her smile. "A few things have happened while you were...away. Be careful with what you say and to whom you say it. The world is changing."  
  
Nemi stared at her for a moment, remembering the wildest rumours she had picked up in Caemlyn, and then dismissing them as ridiculous. But SOMETHING has happened. Myrelle's message was a proof, and now Leanne's words...  
  
"Something serious is going on here," she said hesitantly, casting a sideways look towards the door of the Amyrlin's study.  
  
"Yes, Nemi. But I can say no more right now."  
  
"Is there something...important that I don't know about?"  
  
"Yes. There is. There is something you don't know anything about... Or at least I HOPE you don't."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You will find out soon. Go in now. We shouldn't keep Mother waiting more than necessary. She wants to talk to you alone."  
  
That was mostly unusual: the Keeper used to be present at the audiences with Amyrlin, whatever happened. Nemi looked at Leanne in confusion, but the unreadable eyes of the willowy woman didn't tell her a thing. Hesitantly she turned to the door, slowly realizing that something worse than a penance for unapropriate behaviour was taking place. The wards around the room were easy to notice - those were wards against eavsdropping, Nemi knew and shivered. Light, what was going on? She remembered her decision to play that famous I-Am-Aes- Sedai-And-Nothing-Affects-My-Composure role, and she stiffened her back, trying to look as regally as possible. (It wasn't that easy - she didn't have much chance to meet royalty, and she certainly was of no noble raising herself - but she rather successfuly copied the attitude so characteristical for Kiruna or Moiraine. She used to practice it when no one looked.). Ignoring the fact that her dress was in a sad state, she composed herself perfectly, and reached for the doorhandle.  
  
"Oh, and Nemi!" Leane grinned. "Remember to knock before you go in. It's polite, you know."  
  
***  
  
"Good morning, Mother," Nemi said in the calmest voice she could squeeze out of herself.  
  
The study of the Amyrlin Seat was almost not ornated at all, and every thought of applying the word 'luxory' to that simple chamber would be ridiculous. The room was dominated by a plain wooden table of enormous dimensions, and behind it sat a woman whose face was known to every single person in The White Tower. Siuan Sanche, previously of the Blue Ajah, could be described as an ordinary looking woman - if it wasn't for her ageless Aes Sedai face that looked carved in stone (not any stone! granite!) and her steel-blue eyes that didn't look up when Nemi entered.  
  
"So, the mysteriously disappeared Green Sister is finally back? Decided to honour us with your presence, did you?"  
  
To Nemi not replying to this seemed like the best strategy. It wasn't much of a strategy, of course, but it was practically the only thing she could do. Any answer at all would be considered defeat, and that was the only thing she wanted to skip. She would not be arrogant, but she would not be submissive either. That was her decision anyway. She wasn't quite sure if she was capable of holding out...  
  
After a silence that seemed as long as a night of insomnia, Amyrlin finally looked at her.  
  
"You go without giving a notice. You come back as you please, when you please, and looking like a three days old dead fish. You make me wait for hours."  
  
Nemi opened her mouth to apologize, with as much dignity as possible - and very little of that was possible when talking to Siuan Sanche. But, the Amyrlin did not let her speak up.  
  
"However, DAUGHTER," the Amyrlin said the last word almost mockingly, if it was possible to interprete her icy voice at all. "To fishguts with all that. It is not the reason I summoned you. What I wanted to ask is: do you recognize these?"  
  
Nemi watched the Amirlyn take a pack of something out of a small wooden box standing on the table. She took the layers of cloth away, and the sunlight shone on the metal, reflecting the light riht into Nemi's eyes, and blinding her for a moment.  
  
"They have been recognized by a number of sisters, so you do not have much choice. What do you have to say?"  
  
Nemi stared at the three daggers Amirlyn held, and she understood not a thing.  
  
"Why, of course I recognize them, Mother. They belong to..."  
  
Suddenly, a veil vowen of darkness and ice fell over Nemi's eyes, wrapping her in terrifying cloak of claustropfoby and despaire. The feeling passed in a moment, however, and she was capable of thinking clearly again. She knew the feeling too well. She was cut from the true source, and shield was being held...  
  
She stared at the Amyrlin with wide eyes, unable to react in any way, utterly forgetting she decision of behaving regally. The worst of the rumours she had heard suddenly came back to her, filling her with pure and undestilled terror...  
  
"Then," the Amyrlin continued coldly, "perhaps you will be able to explain the murders these daggers were used for." 


	3. Daggers, Revisited

Disclaimer: Look at the chapter one! A/N: I apologize for previous inconveniences. I had by mistake uploaded a HP chapter instead of this one... Also, thanks to all my reviewres! ~Cynewulf Sedai of the Orange Ajah  
  
"Then," the Amyrlin continued coldly, "perhaps you will be able to explain the murders these daggers were used for."  
  
"Murders? What bloody... Jeaine's daggers?" Nemi stared at her blankly, as the cold autumn rain of truth was beginning to fall at her. "You are telling me... that Jeaine is...dead?"  
  
Amyrlin looked at her, full of abomination, as if looking at a dead Trolloc.  
  
"There is no use in lying now that you are caught. These daggers were proved yours."  
  
"LYING?!" Nemi spat out, astounded. Jeaine...dead... herself accused of LYING... Nemi knew there was no time for feelings, no time for amazement, or for any bloody thing at all...Not now! She collected herself in a moment, embracing the void (still painfully aware of the True Source she could not touch). She was calm now, whatever it might had cost her.  
  
"Look here, MOTHER!" she said icily. "You are playing a filthy game with me, I can see that, though I do not know what your goal might be. And I'm completely in your power now, as you caught me off guard. But, Amyrlin or not, you WILL tell me what happened to Jeaine. Now!"  
  
Siuan Sanche observed her with cold, considering eyes, and began to speak, as if talking to herself.  
  
"She is either acting extremely well... better than I have ever seen anyone act...Or she is really innocent. But it would be too much of a coincidence, now, wouldn't it..."  
  
Nemi fixed the woman with her tilted black eyes and wouldn't let go.  
  
"IS. JEAINE. DEAD?"  
  
"Since, as you nicely put it, you are fully in my power, I might as well tell you a few things. Things that I suspect you already know, but...who knows, now..."  
  
"JEAINE?"  
  
"No, daughter, Jeaine is not dead as far as I know."  
  
Nemi sighed with relief and surpressed tears that began to fill her eyes.  
  
"Thank the Light!"  
  
"No reason for that," the Amyrlin said. "Jeaine is a Black Ajah, and she has run away."  
  
Nemi everything but laughed.  
  
"Is this a bad joke?"  
  
The Amirlyn's cold eyes gave her the answer.  
  
"But Black Ajah doesn't exist! It's just a myth! Or are you telling me all those idiotic rumors are true?"  
  
"I'm afraid that they do exist, daughter, and they are out there."  
  
"But an Aes Sedai can NOT be a darkfriend. Simply can NOT! The three oaths..."  
  
Amirlyn raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It seems that one gets released of all the oaths given at earning the shawl when one gives the new oaths... oaths to the Dark One. And I still do not believe you, DAUGHTER."  
  
"But anyone could be a Black, then!" Nemi exclaimed. "ANYONE! Lights, it is NOT a joke is it?"  
  
"No. And yes, anyone could be a darkfriend as far as I know, and you are under suspicion more than anyone at the moment."  
  
"At that, how do I know YOU are not one?"  
  
"You don't," the Amyrlin said. "But enough of that. I want you to explain yourself, and NOW!"  
  
"But can't you just tell me..."  
  
"No."  
  
"But I just want to know..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Wait, I'm suspected to be Black Ajah because I was away from The Tower for a while? Because of leaving without giving a notice? And what are those murders you are talking about?"  
  
"Supposing you really don't know... Well, then. On the night you diseppeared, thirteen other Aes Sedai... FORMER Aes Sedai disappeared as well. What a coincidence, ha? Three sisters were murdered that night, as well as two warders, and a number of guards and servants. Two of which died of YOUR knives. The third knife was found in your room, stabbed in your pillow."  
  
"And you are sure, completely SURE Jeaine is not dead somewhere out there, with a dagger through her heart or...or...or..."  
  
Nemi was on the edge of tears again, the stabbing COLD tears of terror.  
  
"I can by no means be sure of that, daughter. But most probably she left with them."  
  
"I REFUSE to believe that about her! REFUSE! Mother. She IS my best friend, after all!"  
  
"I'd advice you to use the Past Tense about that. And you can believe or not believe what you choose. But you still didn't explain what were your daggers doing there if you really are not one of them. Which I, well... begin to believe. Apparently without a reason... "  
  
"They are not MY daggers, I told you already, Mother. All my daggers are here..."  
  
Nemi's emotions seemed to be somewhere else at the moment. She didn't feel a thing besides for a complete blankness... It will all come back to torture her afterwards but now...now she simply began to take out her daggers and put them on the table in front of Siuan Sanche. She took two from under her dress, the other two from her sleeves, a pair from her shoes, and a tiny one from the depths of her (still tangled) hair.  
  
"All here. All seven of them," she concluded. "But I will tell you something. Jeaine and I..." she felt a stab of grief at mentioning the name of her friend... once her friend. "We had matching collection of seven daggers each. Had them made at the same time. As you see mine are here... ALMOST identical to Jeaine's ones. If you take a look on the hilts, you will see a tiny N and J carved in the silver. That stands for Nemi and Jeaine. Her collection has J and N carved. In the vice versa order, you see... And I still CAN NOT believe that..."  
  
"Enough of that. Let me see..." The Amyrlin studied two daggers intently for a while, one Nemi's and the another one that belonged to Jeaine Caide. "I see," she said. "And there is a script in the old tongue under the letters. 'Forever friends' in the old tongue."  
  
Nemi shivered: "I'll cast them all in the deepest place of the Erinin River..."  
  
"That can wait. All right, I accept that these daggers are not yours. But it still doesn't prove your innocence in the cause."  
  
"As I see the things... no one's innocence at all can be proved now. Only the opposite, if anything, can be proved. All I can say is that I'm NOT one of them... But it's not much, is it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"But why would I come back here if I actually was... Black? It would be bloody idiotic thing to do."  
  
"To spy, for example. And watch your language."  
  
Nemi rolled her eyes slightly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mother. But... If I...supposedly...WAS one of THEM... And I actually KILLED people, and then ran away. It wouldn't be very probable that you would believe me if I came back. To spy. It would be more likely that you would arrest me and have me stilled. As I see it, they must have LEFT some spies here, but actually sanding someone BACK here after all that? I don't think so."  
  
"That does make sanse, of course."  
  
"Wait!" a sudden thought flashed trough Nemi's head. "Those two daggers that have been... used. On WHOM were they used?"  
  
"Servants. On the Black's way out, I think."  
  
"And the third one was stabbed trough my pillow?"  
  
"Exactly. Stabbed a few times, judging after the appearance of the pillow in the morning."  
  
Nemi thought frantically: she had obviously left earlier that night, before all the terrible things began to happen. Someone might have entered her room... with murderous intentions... and then, seeing her bed empty, get furious and stab the pillow in helpless rage. And Jeaine has always had a flaming temper, quite uncontrollable, actually...  
  
"But," Nemi squeaked in a small voice, "someone might have stolen her knives, right? They might have taken her... as a hostage or something... and used her daggers, and..."  
  
"Empty speculations, I'm afraid. I'm sorry, daughter."  
  
"But, Jeaine would not have killed ME. She would NOT. Whatever else happened. She is my best...was my best..." Nemi shivered in a violent sob, and then tried to compose herself.  
  
"There are more serious things in the world at the moment then the lost of your petty friendship, daughter."  
  
"It was NOT petty! It was..."  
  
"What?"  
  
Nemi sighed.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Look, daughter," Siuan Sanche said, an unexpected echo of sympathy in her voice. "We do not know much about the oaths given to the Dark One at becoming one of his...minions. But the Aes Sedai that have studied the matter think that one is made to sacrifice what is the most precious to them, as a proof of her or his fealty. It might have been that, you know."  
  
Nemi stayed silent.  
  
"Chesmal killed her Gaidin," the Amyrlin continued.  
  
Nemi gaped.  
  
"Chesmal Sedai is one of them AS WELL?"  
  
"Just 'Chesmal', now."  
  
"Who else?"  
  
"Liandrin was their leader, I think. Beside her... Eldrith Jhondar. Marillin Gemalphin. Asne Zeramene."  
  
"What, Asne? But...well, if Jeaine could have done it, ANYONE could..."  
  
Amyrlin didn't seem to hear her. She continued quoting the names as if she had repeated them to herself time after time.  
  
"Rianna Andomeran. Amico Nagoyin. Joiya Byir. Temaile Kinderode. Berylla Naron. Falion Bhoda. Ispan Shefar."  
  
Nemi sighed with relief suddenly, realizing that the Amyrlin had finished.  
  
"What?" Siuan Sanche asked irritably.  
  
"Nothing. I'm just relieved Alanna is not among them."  
  
"Why? Because she is your 'second best' friend? Fishguts, you must stop thinking in those Novice terms. Besides, we can not trust ANYONE here, do you understand?"  
  
"We? You shouldn't trust ME either, Mother. Nothing is..."  
  
"I certainly do not. Do you think me stupid?"  
  
"Of course not, Mother, I just..."  
  
"But for the time being, I, in a way, accept your explanation. It seems rather logical, and I choose to COOPERATE with you for a time. As I cooperate with some other people, although I do not trust THEM, either?"  
  
"Whom?"  
  
"Do you really expect me to tell you that?"  
  
"Well. No, Mother."  
  
"Of course not. I guess you only checked if I was on my guard?"  
  
Nemi's cheeks reddened violently.  
  
"No reason for blushing," the Amyrlin smiled slightly. "It was a clever thing to do, actually. Well, I will have tasks for you. Not too important in the beginning. We will see afterwards. And I WARN you not to mention this to anyone."  
  
"Of course, mother."  
  
"Do you understand me? When I say anyone, I MEAN anyone. Not to Alanna, not to Myrelle, not to Aroenne. None of your third, fourth or tenth best friends."  
  
"I understand."  
  
Nemi felt the instant relief and a moment of perfect happiness filled her as the shield disappeared and the True Source became available again.  
  
"Now, here is what I want you to do first. And remember, I do NOT trust you. One wrong step and..."  
  
"Yes, Mother. What do you want me to do?" 


	4. Servants and Friends

Disclaimer: same as in the chapter #1. References to "borrowed" sentences at the end of chapter.  
  
Nemi was soaking in her bath that smelled of Taraboner Dream - a mixture of herbs and oils bought for a hot price on her way from Caemlyn. She was thankfully sipping well honeyed andilay root tea - something an alternatively oriented Yellow sister prescribed for her nerves ages ago; she still kept a large bag of the herb in her wardrobe, and now she was happy because of it. It was not the moment to think of Jeaine - something that would most probably include sobbing and questioning herself - so she drank her tranquilizer and was calm... so pleasantly calm. And capable of actually ENJOYING her bath, even in spite of Rada, an always-sulking servant that grumbled while rubbing Nemi's back.  
  
A servant shouldn't be ALLOWED to terrorize her, Nemi thought, but without involving any emotions in her consideration. She was an Aes Sedai after all, if a young one, and shouldn't the maid be AFRAID of her? Respect her? Nemi shrugged. Rada was one of the servants of the Green Ajah, and Nemi suspected that the serving woman kept choosing to serve HER more often than any other Green sister. In order to terrorize her. Rada was an old woman, Nemi actually remembered her as old and crabby even from the time she herself was one of the kitchen maids - and it was more than ten years ago...  
  
"I have a feeling that you kept sleeping under hedges for weeks, Aes Sedai," Rada declared. "Look at the color of the water. And it's the THIRD tub I filled for you! An Aes Seda shouldn't allow herself a..."  
  
"Oh, shut up Rada!"  
  
"Yes, Aes Sedai. If the Aes Sedai is not content with my service, I can go report myself to Mistress Laras. I would be perfectly pleased to serve a penance, if I can not please the Aes Sedai. I..."  
  
"Will you bloody shut up?"  
  
"As Aes Sedai says." Rada spat out and continued rubbing her back, somewhat more roughly than necessary. "Does Aes Sedai wants her travel dress washed or should I wash the floor with it? It looks rather destroyed, and if Aes Sedai doesn't mind, I would say that..."  
  
"Do with it whatever you bloody want, all right? Cook it for dinner, feed it to horses, wear it yourself, I do not care! Light!"  
  
"Aes Sedai sure has many pretty dresses, but Aes Sedai should learn not to be that generous."  
  
Nemi flashed her eyes at the servant, and Rada shut up. Which won't last long, Nemi thought sorrowfully. This was as good as unbearable... She could, for sure, ask for another maid... or complain to Laras, of course. But that would mean she, a Green Aes Sedai, could not handle a simple servant herself! It would be too humiliating to admit that! And she was pretty sure that Rada behaved all but PERFECTLY when any other sister was concerned...  
  
"Prepare my towels - the soft ones, Rada - and make me a cup of Sharran kaf."  
  
"As Aes Sedai wants. But Aes Sedai should remember that the Sharran drink is no good for her health and..."  
  
"NOW, Rada."  
  
"Yes Aes Sedai. Does Aes Sedai want sugar in her kaf?"  
  
"No, Rada. As you know perfectly well, I never have my kaf with sugar. And Rada? Give me my pipe, please. It's in my saddlebags, right over there."  
  
"Aes Sedai wants to SMOKE?"  
  
"Aes Sedai always smokes while drinking kaf, and, yes, Rada, Aes Sedai KNOWS that it isn't good for her health either, and Aes Sedai doesn't give a bloody damn!"  
  
"As Aes Sedai says."  
  
"And do NOT sulk at me!"  
  
"I'll try not to, Aes Sedai."  
  
"Well, try HARD!"  
  
"Yes, Aes Sedai," Rada's voice contained more acid than ever, if that was possible. Nemi rolled her eyes. If I stopped arguing with her - it's not Aes Sedai-like anyway - I guess she would stop terrorizing me this way, she thought. Only, I somehow can't stop arguing...  
  
Nemi stepped out of her tub, waving away Rada's frowningly offered help. She wrapped herself in a black towel (they were not to be bought at ordinary places; one had to order them made), sipped of her kaf mug, and lit her pipe. The best Two Rivers tobacco, that. She enjoyed every single smoke immensely, as it filled her lungs with a pleasant warmness and foggy smell.  
  
Nemi's room was rather simply furnished, with an enormous wardrobe (that no one dared open) and a big black oaken table, which was pleasantly messy. She left it that way when she left, but when she entered her room now, she found it scrubbed and in a terrible ORDER: every casket neatly dusted, the books all, in one neat pile (with perfectly orderly edges, actually PARALLEL to each other - Nemi rolled her eyes in disgust), on the left edge of the table. The inkbottles and quills all stood on the right edge, pressing her papers... She had went to the table and messed it up a bit, so that it would feel like home - she sometimes REALLY hated those servants, and she was thankful that no one else had the keys to her drawers...  
  
Nemi winced a bit when she heard the door open - without a nock first.  
  
"Why, Nemi!" the voice exclaimed, as a tall, black-haired woman entered the room. "Are you back, or is it your ghost coming to haunt on me?"  
  
Nemi recognized the voice at once - and smiled widely.  
  
"If I came to haunt you, would I do it wrapped in a towel, what do you think?"  
  
The woman laughed.  
  
"Why, I don't know. You seemed to be wrapped in a towel at least half of the time?"  
  
Nemi jumped up, hugging the woman tightly.  
  
"Alanna, it's SO good to see you! After all those MONTHS, I mean. Light!"  
  
Alanna hugged her back, and pushed herself deeper into the room, looking around, and laughing at the sight of Nemi's desk, as if she knew exactly what happened there.  
  
"It's good to see you too, dear. At least now, that I know you are not...you know..."  
  
"You actually thought I was a Black sister? Oh, Light, Alanna, could you really think that about ME?"  
  
"Well, if we consider the color of your dresses... ALL your dresses... and then your towels, your bed sheets, your bloody UNDERWEAR...Why not?" Alanna chuckled, as Nemi waved Rada out of the room.  
  
"Can you be serious once in your life?"  
  
"Why, I don't know, I never tried. Can you?"  
  
Nemi couldn't help but laugh. "It feels so great to be back!"  
  
"Even after all that happened?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Alanna cast herself in another armchair, and sipped the kaf from Nemi's cup, making a disgusted face.  
  
"You KNOW what happened, don't you? I mean..." Alanna paused. " Well, of course you do."  
  
Nemi stuck out her tongue: "How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Oh. That. Well, Leane told Sheriam you had a loooong talk with the Amyrlin - and since you are here, and still well and WHOLE - I guess you know the story, and that you played no part in it."  
  
"No, I actually did, I'm just a good actress. I have chosen a wrong profession."  
  
"That's what I've always said, didn't I?"  
  
"No. You always kept saying I should have earned my bread dancing in taverns, but never mind. But, wait a moment... Leanne told Sheriam?"  
  
"Aha."  
  
"And Sheriam told you?"  
  
"Sure she did."  
  
Nemi rolled her eyes. "Can't one have a scrap of privacy in the White Tower?"  
  
Alanna looked pensive for a second.  
  
"No," she declared after the moment of consideration. "I don't think so. Not at all!"  
  
"Oh. That's what I thought."  
  
"Wait wait, you did WHAT?"  
  
"I DO think sometimes, you know."  
  
"Light, in your BATH???"  
  
Nemi chuckled.  
  
"It's as good as impossible to have a normal conversation with you, Alanna dear."  
  
Alanna grinned: "Why don't you throw me out, then?"  
  
"Physically impossible. Besides, I hate normal conversations. That's why you are my best friend, right?"  
  
"Oh? Am I? I always thought you and..."  
  
Alanna felt silent for a moment, and looked at Nemi apologetically.  
  
"I guess you don't want to talk about Jeaine, do you?"  
  
Nemi forced a smile.  
  
"No. At leas not when I'm sober."  
  
"When you are WHAT?"  
  
Nemi took a smoke and sighed resignedly.  
  
"Well, I unfortunately am sober at the moment."  
  
"Not for long. I can promise you THAT."  
  
"That's good to hear."  
  
"Want some kaf?" Nemi finally remembered her manners.  
  
"All right, but put LOADS of sugar into it, or I'll vomit."  
  
Nemi rolled her eyes in a false resignation.  
  
"I guess it's no use telling you that sugar can only SPOIL the aroma, adding absolutely nothing to it? No? Well, I thought so... But, since I don't want you to THROW UP on my wonderful black carpet - all right. Here is some terrible sugar for you dear."  
  
"So?" Alanna asked, as she watched Nemi mess with the fireplace and the kaf pot (a black one, needless to say). "Where have you been, then?"  
  
"Traveling around a bit. Caemlyn, mostly. A fascinating city."  
  
"With fascinating inns?"  
  
"Exactly. And gleemen, Alanna... I've never met THAT many gleemen in Tar Valon. Why's that, what do you think?"  
  
"You don't go to the right places."  
  
"But...we are hanging at the same places, Alanna."  
  
"Well, I guess I don't go to the right places either. Never mind that. Found any handsome warders down in old Caemlyn?"  
  
"Blood and ashes, Alanna! Would I be taking the bath ALONE if I did?"  
  
"Oh. Well. You've still got plenty of time, dear."  
  
"What do you mean by plenty of time? Light, Alanna, I'm dying, don't you know?"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"What what? I've got only 100 years or something left!"  
  
Alanna barked a laugh.  
  
"You are incorrigible, Nemi. But...Talking about dying, you should go see Myrelle as soon as possible."  
  
"Myrelle?"  
  
"Black hair, green eyes. The head of our Ajah. Remember?"  
  
"Light, I know who Myrelle is, but why 'talking about dying'?"  
  
"She's pretty angry with you, you know."  
  
"But why bloody 'dying'?"  
  
"Well, she's REALLY pretty angry with you."  
  
"Enough to die of that?"  
  
"Enough that YOU die of that."  
  
"Oh. All right. I'll go see her as soon as I'm dressed."  
  
Nemi stood up from her armchair unwillingly and headed towards the wardrobe. Opening the door (after some time spent messing with three different locks), she was attacked by an ocean of blackness that stared at her from the unexplored depths.  
  
"Light, dear!" Alanna rolled her eyes. "It's about high time you cleaned that mess. And don't you have one SINGLE piece of clothing that would be another color than black?"  
  
Nemi looked at her half-offended.  
  
"Of course I do! See here..." she muttered, digging trough her dresses. "I have one see-green undervest... I HAD!" she added, sadly staring at something dark-grayish she held in her hands. "They must have washed it TOGETHER with the rest of my underwear. I told them about HUNDRED times not to wash colored things together with the black ones. I'll really get that Rada once for all. I'm sure she did it on purpose!"  
  
Alanna laughed softly. "Now, at least, everything is matching..."  
  
"Do you think I should wear this?"  
  
"A Domani dress? Why, of course! You look great in those!"  
  
"That is settled, then."  
  
"But, Nemi?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Saldaean cheek bones," Alanna continued mockingly, "Arafellan temper, Domani dress, Sharran kaf, Caemlynian tobacco, Shienaran whiskey... You really ARE a citizen of the world, ha?"  
  
"Oh, shut up. Speaking of whiskey..." Nemi took out a little bottle from somewhere behind her clothes. "Want some?"  
  
Alanna mumbled something, rather loudly, but absolutely incomprehensibly.  
  
"Why do you talk like that, now?"  
  
"Why, you told me to shut up, and I felt a nod wouldn't be enough to express my enthusiasm."  
  
Nemi sighed resignedly. "Actually, I hoped you'd say no. But...friendship demands sharing, I guess?"  
  
"Yes it does, Nemi. Even sharing of ALCOHOL. Hey, don't take that much of that stuff! You won't be able to talk to Myrelle like that!"  
  
"It won't leave enough for you, you mean to say? Here you are. I hope you don't want sugar in THIS, do you? Oh, and are you going with me?"  
  
"Do I have any choice?"  
  
"Actually, no."  
  
"All right then. Let's go face The Head."  
  
REFERENCES:  
  
"I DO think sometimes, you know." "Light, in your BATH???" - it strikes me now that Pippin might have said to Frodo something like that, once. I'm not sure, but if so, than it belongs to Tolkien.  
  
"What do you mean by plenty of time? Light, Alanna, I'm dying, don't you know?" "WHAT?" "What what? I've got only 100 years or something left!"- This is from Buffy, slightly changed though. 


	5. Old Friends, New Enemies

Disclaimer: As we all know, we owe Randland and its inhabitants to the ingenious mind of Robert Jordan; Nemi Montoya, on the other hand, is property of a Norwegian comic- drawer named Lise. Some of my jokes are from the comic Nemi and some are from Calvin&Hobbes by Bill Watterson. If other materials are quoted, I'll. say so in the end of the chapter, as not to spoil anything for you...  
  
A/N: *points her kitchy HP-fandom wand at the reader* Veritas! So there. Now you've got to tell the truth. R&R, please, it helps me a lot:) And, don't forget, it's a WAY better to flame me than to say nothing at all. I love the truth. Go truth! Go light! Go Green!  
  
Nemi knew perfectly well that andilay root tea shouldn't be mixed with alcochol, at least if you didn't want to laugh like hell for an hour (without a reason obvious to anyone but yourself), behave foolishly (although it may seem terribly funny to you), and cry like a weeping willow for hours afterwards. Manic cheerfulness and deep depression afterwards: those were usual consequences of drinking a spirit while you take a tranquilizer, and Nemi knew it from her own experience.  
  
But somehow...she had forgotten it this time. Maybe the conversetion with Alanna, a friend she hadn't seen in ages, had distracted her; maybe she stopped being used to being careful during her time out of the Tower - who knows.  
  
Be how it may, now she walked briskly through the hallways, giggling like crazy while loudly telling who she had slept with during her Absence. Terrified gazes of servants (who didn't stop listening in spite of their supposed abomination) fallowed her, together with somewhat worried Alanna, who tryed to calm her down, to persuade to go back to her room, to try to sleep a bit, ANYTHING that would prevent Nemi from talking to Myrelle in this condition. Needless to say, it didn't help - Nemi just laughed louder.  
  
Entering Myrelle's anteroom, Nemi spyed a servant (who had SOOO funny hair!) dusting around.  
  
"I'm not sure it is the best time to disturb Myrelle Sedai, Nemi Sedai." the serving woman's voice was somewhat squeeky, or so it seemed to Nemi.  
  
"Did she give an ORDER not to be disturbed?" Nemi managed trough the waterfall of giggling (Myrelle had some pretty naughty pictures hanging in her chambers).  
  
"Well, no, but she..."  
  
Nemi didn't pay her more attention than she payed to desperate Alanna who tryed to stop her once more, and then shrugged, and followed resignedly, as Nemi pushed her way in.  
  
The dark green curtains of Myrelle Sedai's room were down, and the chamber was only dimly lit by an almost-exstinguished fire. Myrelle was obviously sleeping, tightly wrapped in a blanket, although it was rather warm - or was it only Nemi that sweated? Sometimes, when not quite sober, she simply didn't remember to concentrate... She tiptoed her way to Myrelle's bed, and stood there smiling broadly, casting a long, affectionate look at the asleep woman's face.  
  
"I really like her, you know!" she whispered to Alanna. "She is a great Green, and the best Aes Sedai of all, and I think she should be the Amyrlin!"  
  
"Why, that's nice, Nemi, " Alanna whispered back, a shade of hope in her voice. "If you like her so much, why don't you let her sleep in peace. We can talk to her later. I'm sure she is really tired and..."  
  
"No way! She said she wanted to talk to me at once, and here I am. Whatch this, Alanna!"  
  
Alanna winced, as Nemi reached towards the Head of their Ajah...  
  
"Innie minnie miny moe - catch Myrelle by the toe!" she declared, as she took hold of the Aes Sedai's toe and pulled gently.  
  
Myrelle snarled, suddenly sitting up straight in her bed, and instantly embracing Saidar. She looked sleepily around, cast an iron eye on Alanna whom she spotted first, and then she saw Nemi, whose fingers were only inches away from Myrelle's feet - an unbreakable proof of her guilt. Myrelle glared at her, and as Nemi giggled, the look of recognition filled Myrelle's eyes. She sighed.  
  
"I thought I told you not to come to me when you are drunk, Nemi."  
  
"At least when YOU are sober." Nemi chuckled.  
  
"At least when I am sober," Myrelle repeated, before she knew what she was saying. She then rubbed her eyes, trying to come back to her senses, and finally let go of Saidar.  
  
"Well?" Myrelle growled, firmly decided not to accept the game.  
  
"Well," Nemi managed trough an even broadre smile. "I didn't know that you were sober."  
  
Myrelle inhaled loudly.  
  
"Look Nemi, whatever you might think, this is NOT cute, and NOT funny at all. This is ABOMINABLE, if you want to know what I think - and I guess you don't, do you? But YOU Alanna?" she added, turning to the other Aes Sedai, who returned her gaze guiltily. "How could you let her come to me drunk like this?"  
  
"I'm really sorry, Myrelle, but it was completely impossible to stop her," Alanna managed, suddenly not looking all that tall, as if she shrank in front of the other Aes Sedai.  
  
"I'm NOT drunk!" Nemi declared decidedly at the same time.  
  
Myrelle looked as if she would slap her, but she grabbed an inkbottle instead and hurled it on the opposite wall.  
  
"DON'T YOU TRY TELLING THAT TO ME!" she yelled so that the chamber echoed.  
  
"I took only a sip of whiskey!" Nemi muttered apologetically, looking at the pieces of glass and the ink leaking from the wall.  
  
Alanna sighed. "She mixed with andilay root again."  
  
"Well, that is no worry of mine!" Myrelle snarled. "She will have a penance for this! And a heavy one, I will see to that. But first... FIRST I will have a talk with her. Alone."  
  
The Arafellan Aes Sedai turned to leave, look of relief mixing with worry on her face. Walking through anteroom she could still hear Myrelle's furious voice.  
  
"You might want to know that I spent HOURS talking to Amyrlin about you, Nemi, apart from all the other things I have to think about! And the MESS you made by leaving like that - can you even IMAGINE what we thought and how we felt? No, you can NOT, BELIEVE me on THAT!!! With the BLACK Ajah STORMING The Tower, with FORMER sisters MURDERING around, do you think I want to worry about YOU as an ADDITION to all the TERRIFYING things I have to..."  
  
Alanna didn't listen any longer. She walked out, slamming the doors, and wishing she could sleep trough the next few days.  
  
***  
  
Nemi opened her eyes, her head in pain (for the second time this bloody day! Light! she thought drowsily). She sat up in her bed, hair in her sleepy eyes, and looked trough the window, wondering what the time it might be. The light was meak to the point of melting, and she concluded it had to be either twilight or dawn. Twilight, she decided optimistically. Twilight of the SAME day...  
  
Then the memories began flowing back. There was that terrible talk to Myrelle, yes... and a penance... what was it now?... Oh, bloody son of a goat! She remembered... having to play Myrelle's secretary for a week. A secretary! Apart from being highly humiliating for an Aes Sedai - for a Green at least, she thought - the job required being tidy. Neat. Actually having a READABLE handwriting. She sighed, picturing herself in the middle of the night, making the SIXTH copy of some bloody report, and not even being able to make a conforting ink blot on the parchment...  
  
Yup. Myrelle simply knew how to punish her worst. Or best, she grinned bitterly. Depended on the point of view, that... Bloody secretary. The word alone should be able to send her to get drunk and...  
  
Oh no! she remembered suddenly. Not THAT! Myrelle really knew how to punish people when she was angry... Nemi was forbidden to drink anything alcocholic for a whole month! Bloody buttered onions, she thought... A month! To taste what a boring life the Sisters had led at the Tower while she was away, having fun - that was what Myrelle had said... And why? Why??? Because she had left without notice - not forbidden by the Tower Law, but not a custom anyway... Because she left other Sisters terribly worried and all... As if she KNEW the Blacks were going to attack that very night and...  
  
Nemi suddenly stopped, her train of thoughts crudely interrupted by a single word. She rubbed her eyes. She had KNOWN there was more to it than just the penances. She had KNOWN she had a better reason to be depressed. A single word...  
  
Jeaine...  
  
She touched a knife in her sleave, stroking it gently.  
  
'What d'you say?,' Nemi asked finally, taking last sip of the golden liquor. 'With our initials on it an' all...' Jeaine laughed softly, leaning on the bar.  
  
'You do be a sentimental ol' girl, Nem', deep down at least, ha? When you do be drunk, anyway,' the older Aes Sedai ordered yet another round. 'Oh, do look at the poor thing, Nemi!' she exclaimed suddenly, spotting a creature on one of the inn's dirty walls.  
  
Nemi looked in the pointed direction and shuddered incontrollably.  
  
'Know what, Jeaine? Know what?'  
  
'What?'  
  
'Trollocs, YES. Wholeheartedly. Or Myrdraal - give me one anytime. Just DON'T make me fight CATERPILLARS!'  
  
Jeaine cast her a hurt look, as if offended in the caterpillar's name.  
  
'I thought you do be liking animals, Nemi. ALL animals.'  
  
Nemi looked around, as if wishing for a couple of trollocs to enter the inn and give her something she knew how to fight.  
  
'Well, yeah... I don't have anything AGAINST caterpillars, basically. Only...'  
  
'Only?'  
  
'Well, only if it's not too close, you see. If not...agressive.'  
  
'Aggresive? Nemi?' Jeaine barked a laugh, and then studied the insect for a moment. 'It do be looking so... frightened, yes? Look at it, Nemi. Just come and - look...'  
  
'Nope. It could jump on me,' she stated, after a moment's consideration. 'Look, Jeaine... we could ask the landlord to... well, I guess you don't want it killed, do you?'  
  
Jeaine inclined her head slightly and then stood up, stumbling a bit. She's quite drunk, Nemi thought as she took a sip and looked at what the older Aes Sedai wasdoing. Jeaine tried to embrace the Source and failed - a rather common thing when one is drunk - and so she extended her hand and touched the insect lightly. The caterpillar moved, turned, and came to Jeaine's hand, stood there as if waiting for something.The Aes Sedai disappeared through the door for a moment, only to come back with a wide smile on her face.  
  
'I put it in the grass... Hope no one trods on it, though.'  
  
Animals tend to like Jeaine, Nemi thought, just like people do. Yet, she is MY best friend. Alanna is as well, but Jeaine is the bestest best. And I'm drunk. I sound like a novice. No, wait, I sound like a 7-year-old. An immature 7-year... oh, bloody Creator's dung. I'm drunk... Just so very very very...drunk...  
  
'Don't fall asleep!' Jeaine laughed. 'Don't want to carry you home. What were we talking about?'  
  
'Er... knives?'  
  
'Yes. Knives. Two identical sets of knives with our initials on them,' Jeaine sighed and smiled. 'I do be liking the idea. Like a token of our friendship, yes? Oh, Nemi... I do be so terribly drunk... and probably pathetic... but we are the best friends, yes?'  
  
'Of course we are,' Nemi melted, and then she swayed, almost falling from her chair. The room took to swirling around her head, and she tryed to follow it with her gaze - and failed. 'Best friends always.'  
  
'Yes,' Jeaine replied, rising her glass to meet Nemi's. 'Always!'  
  
And that was Jeaine... had been... A woman that saved caterpillars. Best friends. Always...  
  
Nemi tuned around and dived into her pillow. She was not going to think about it. She was not! And yet, the small tight knot in the pit of her stomach didn't let her forget. Alcochol did, but it was forbidden. For a month. Jeaine always used to talk to her when she, Nemi, was depressed... Jeaine, that saved caterpillars. Jeaine that loved all the animals in the world.  
  
Jeaine that was a Black Ajah, a darkfriend. Jeaine that had tryed to kill her...  
  
A tear rolled from Nemi's eye, soon to be followed by another. Damped wheeping could be heard from her pillow for a time, and then no sound came... She slept again.  
  
***  
  
After an hour's soaking in her bath and some fretting over the terrible bags under her eyes, Nemi walked down the stairs, a thick bundle of papers under her hand. The stairway somehow always seemed shorter when you went down. She walked out the door carefully, soundlessly, a conspiratory smile on her face. Nemi Sedai, the invisible woman, opens the door faster than a lightning... soundlessly, she walks out... only tree steps more... te freedome is smiling back at her...  
  
"Nemi?" a voice interrupted her happy train of thoughts - obviously 'happy' only on condition of avoiding the owner of the voice in question. "How are you doing."  
  
Nemi smiled vaguely, being forced to turn back and look at the other woman. The last time Nemi saw her, Arecco was a slim, terrified-looking girl, always trying to avoid other people's attention (Nemi thought of her as a girl, although Arecco was at least 7 or 8 years older than herself). On the other hand, the last time Nemi saw her, Arecco was an Accepted. Now she stood straight, as if begging the surroundings to notice her blue-fringed shawl. What did she choose the Blue for?, Nemi wandered idly, as she walked towards the woman. The Blues had to have a goal of their own, and what was the purpose of Arecco's life, anyway? What goal could she have, this woman?  
  
"Fine, just fine," Nemi answered, hoping that a sudden lightning or an attack of Trollocs would save her from this conversation. They had been novices together, and shared a hole in the wall, through which they used to whisper at nights. Or, more accurately, Arecco had whispered and Nemi had pretended she had been listening. "You've been raised, I see," she tried to smile at the Blue Aes Sedai.  
  
"Yes," the woman replied, somewhat dryly. "A year ago."  
  
Ooops, Nemi thought. My bad.  
  
"Haven't seen you in a while, I suppose," she answered. Haven't seen or noticed you, whatever. Light! she thought for herself. She burned from the curiosity: why did the woman choose Blue? But it was impolite to ask. Oh well... On the other hand, the woman might be a Black as well. The thought of poor, cowardly Arecco being a darkfriend seemed ridiculous... but if Jeaine could follow the Dark One - anyone could.  
  
"What do you have there?"  
  
"Some papers for Myrelle. Promised to help her with the papirology," Nemi shrugged. Technically, it wasn't a lie. She saw the woman's confused look, and understood that Arecco was talking about her left hand. "Oh. Kaf. Haven't drunk the first morning kaf yet, so I thought I'd drink it outside. It's nice and sunny and all. Care to join me?" Well, it was polite to ask, considering the fact that the woman was a Blue. Their Ajahs were on friendly terms - at least officially - and she couldn't just skip the formality. Were Arecco a Red, Nemi could have passed her by with a slight nod of her head. But not a Blue... bloody traditions.  
  
Arecco smiled a bit.  
  
"I hoped it was tea, actually. Wouldn't mind some nice hot tea at this wonderful morning. But you have to tell me about yourself, Nemi. Just what have you been doing and all?"  
  
Nemi looked at her in disbilief, as they sat down on a bench in the shade of a great oak tree. My bench. Mine. Mine! Nemi tought, as if wanting to blow Arecco away. Miiiine!!! And the woman has just asked her a personal question - and a weaker woman, at that. Nemi was just a middling, but was definitely above Arecco, and not only in the Power. Look at the number of years either of them spent as a Novice. Then Accepted. It was crystal clear.  
  
Nemi smiled sweetly.  
  
"It would be a rather personal thing, you see, Arecco. Wouldn't plague you with that."  
  
She realized she was still holding the papers, so she put them on the stone table, remembering at the last moment to hide a small book from Arecco's sight.  
  
"And what is that?" the woman inquired, obviously having noticed Nemi's effort.  
  
Nemi ignored her, however, and channeled her kaf hot.  
  
"Sure you don't want some, Arreco?" she smiled "You could jump and get yourself a mug or something," So. Just to remind her who is in charge hear and who is the jumping one.  
  
Arreco showed no sign that she had understood the message.  
  
"No, thank you, but I really don't appreciate the Sharran stuff. Too bitter. Don't know what you see in it. But-" the woman smiled, "you have always been different, haven't you. So original. Always the one to come up with things and plans... "  
  
This was probably meant to mean something, Nemi grinned to herself. Something subtle, if I'm not very much mistaken. An offence probably. The fool woman maybe thinks that the reminder of being different will actually OFFEND me. Nemi waved a hand dismissingly. Definitely too stupid to be a Black Ajah.  
  
"Novice times. Happy times, but long over" LONG ago for ME, at least.  
  
"Of course," Arecco smiled and reached in the direction of Nemi's papers. "What's that book you are reading?"  
  
Nemi took out her pipe and lit it casually. She won't show she's embarrassed. She won't!  
  
"Just some legends of Birgitte," she answered, unsuccesfully trying to hide the glimmer in her eyes. "And Gaidal Cain, too."  
  
"Such a dreamy look you wear, Nemi," Arecco giggled. Giggled! A Blue! "I always thought you'd choose Brown. Such an avid reader like you. And a dreamer, too!"  
  
She is either stupid and completely tactless, or she's provoking me, Nemi thought. She has absolutely no right to be tactless! It's MY area!  
  
"I've thought about the Brown, you see," Nemi said in a low, mockingly confidential voice. "But then I realised that only the Green Ajah could really give me what I wanted."  
  
The Blue was staring at her, badly hiding her curiosity.  
  
"Multiple warders?"  
  
"Trollocs!" Nemi stated with a winning grin, as the other sister shuddered. "And Myrdraal too! Arecco, did you know that they actually continue to thrash when you kill them? You can cut their head off, or make their heart stop, but they can still run around. Like a hen when you cut its throat."  
  
"Yes... you used to tell the horror stories when we were novices, too. Even Accepted were scared to death!"  
  
Maybe she's actually trying to FLATTER me, not offend me.  
  
Nemi turned to her, fake innocence written all over her face.  
  
"Horror stories? But it's really that way."  
  
"Yes... so the books say. Still, I hope we won't see a Trolloc in our time, Nemi..."  
  
"Oh, I hope we will. What am I bloody doing being a Green, if I don't get to kill Shadowspawn?" Nemi barked a laugh. "All that practicing with knives and the bow would be in vain."  
  
"Bow, is it?" Arecco gave her a tiny smile. "So you still dream of Birgitte, don't you?"  
  
This WAS meant as puting me down. Our little Arecco thinks she is being SO very smart...  
  
"It's more likely," Nemi explained paitently, "that I admire Birgitte. Who I dream of is Gaidal Caine." She couldn't help but sigh dreamily, and the other woman grabbed the chance.  
  
"Oh, it's so typical for you," the other woman stated, and Nemi made a mental note to avenge this. "Falling in love with a book character and all."  
  
The chance for vengeance was there already, Nemi noticed gleefully.  
  
"Seems better," she said, poisonous honey dripping from her tongue, "than you, Arecco, that have been in love for what - six years - with that guard... What was his name, now?"  
  
The Blue sighed, and it seemed genuine this time.  
  
"Jarvis, yes... I don't even know if he knows I exist..."  
  
"You see?" Nemi grinned. "I don't have that kind of problems, being in love with a Hero of the Horn."  
  
Arecco stared at her for a moment, as if contemplating if Nemi was serious, and then forced a giggle.  
  
"Yes... Now, Nemi... You as a Green probably understand me... I think I need a warder, you see. I think it's time. I should really have someone I can talk to, someone to listen to me, to understand me... Someone who would always be happy to see me."  
  
Nemi stared at the other Aes Sedai in utter disbilief. Cold word wars are all well and right... she adored to exchange hidden offences with one Sister or another... but this? Was the woman trying to confide in her? They weren't even of the same bloody Ajah! Blood and ashes! Too much, really too much...  
  
"I'm sorry, Arecco, but I don't have time for such, I have a work to do" she stated coldly, and the Blue (why Blue?) nodded, understanding that she has finally stepped over line. She stood up and smiled at Nemi vaguely.  
  
"I'd better be going, too..."  
  
Yup. Mutual understanding. Go go go! Don't turn around!  
  
Nemi, however, couldn't restrain the last blow...  
  
"Oh, Arreco. Just one thing more. As a Green, I can tell you one thing."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You said you needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen to you, right?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Someone who'd always be happy to see you?"  
  
"Yes. So?"  
  
"You don't need a Warder, Arecco. You need a dog."  
  
A/N: Yes yes... I know it's terribly much of talk, and no action at all... What can I do when I LOVE to write evil Aes Sedai chit-chat. Anyways, for the next chapter I promise a CANDY! Nemi's gonna do some flirting, try to comfort some Warders that are not hers... And - Mat will be there! So - read on! And don't forget to review *uses compulsure* :))) 


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